you are

so far away from me but still so close...

I got this weirdest feelin about my self ... I have felt my grandpa's present for a few days here.. back and forth.. sometimes I have even thought I can see his shadow around ..just standin there like he is watchin me..
Well today some thoughts just came up like from no where.. like.."I must change the way I live my lifestyle" I aint immortal .. I must start 2 live healthy by the book ..like non smoking non drinking..alot of training.. and NO painkillerz..
OH maybe Iam really sick..maybe its just imagination ..I dont know..
But suddenly I got scared ...and I never get scared like this..
I talked to him like he could hear me, and Iam sure he did.. still I aint see him..

Many times in the past during the difficultes I had with my ex.. I cried and just wanted him to give me comfort and strength to keep going.. everytime I felt like he was near me and everytime I felt love and I did get more strength..
Just wonder if this is all imagination maybe Iam starting to get schitzofrenia? is it all fantasy's? IT CANT be.. and if it is..It still get me comfort and strength so it cant be bad...

I know when he was alive we had a special realtionship..but now when he is ghone ..he can feel all my pains all my happiness..he KNOWS all of me..